Saturday, May 1, 2010

collection of memories

when I come to the end of my days, what will reallly have mattered to me?
will I care, in my last moments, whether my peers accepted and approved of me?
will I go through the list of material possessions that I spent years wishing to have and striving to acquire and check off what I did and did not end up getting?
will I work, one last time, on that business deal that I've spent the past month stressing over?
will I let my child wear that horrible mismatched outfit...or better yet, will I wear the yellow tights I love with those bright purple wellies even though my friends raise their eyebrows at me?
will I spend a few extra moments gazing at the people who mean the most to me? really listening to their words, to the sound of their voices? will I memorize their features and their laughs?
how will they remember me? will they remember clean floors and spotless homes? how I was always on time (or never on time, lol)? how my children behaved perfectly in public...nearly robot-like? or will they remember laughter? food? messes? listening? hearing? relationship?
have I taught love...have I taught grace...kindness....
what would the stranger on the street see me as? better yet, what would those closest to me see me as?
sadly, I realize, if today were my last, I would live so differently. these thoughts have occurred to me alot lately, and I've tried to challenge myself to live more like my days are numbered (and they are...I tend to forget that, though), to embrace beauty, to spend more time really listening to my sweet babies and to the stranger on the street, to enjoy each and every moment b/c they are a gift, and to really focus on what's important.

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