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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

so, i know I've asked you a time or two what you'd like to have been like as a person when the credits roll...but, lately, as a parent I've really been thinking about this and asking myself the same thing..."when the credits roll, what kind of mom do i want to be remembered as? when the credits roll, what kind of childhood will i have painted for my children?" and sadly, i fear, with each passing moment that all of the important moments have passed...you know what I mean? have you ever felt that way? awakened and realized what a grouchy bear you've been all these years and now there aren't many years left?
this has been my prayer lately...to paint my kids world the way i hope for them to remember it...b/c lets face it, with kids the credits don't roll in our passing...it's something like the teen years maybe! i am trying to remember.
anyhow, the other day, we were trying to shut the garage door and the rain was pouring down and both kids ran out setting off the little sensor, making the garage return to its upright position...initial reaction: come on guys! then i heard a little voice ask "don't you want them to remember feeling the rain? touching and smelling it?"
I'll admit i don't live my life with these precious thoughts most of the time...i so wish i did...instead i grin and bear the tantrums, the bickering, the meltdowns in stores, the arguing...etc etc and sometimes, it really does get the best of me and i forget to stop and make a memory...i forget to jump out of the car and feel the rain too.

lol...tonight, i was sort of feeling disappointed in myself as i let myself be frustrated with first my oldest for throwing a lovely (and i mean lovely) tantrum in the store...she went boneless i tell you, added in some dramatics (lol this is the child who would scream "my mom is hurting me!" at age three in hobby lobby b/c i was holding her hand and she was flinging her body in the opposite direction...and the child whose fave place for a theatrical tear-filled screaming performance is by far TARGET!!) and then for being frustrated with my son for not greeting our Muslim friends and hugging them (hugs are a BIG thing in their culture b/c of what it means) and thanking them when we were guests in their homes.  i put the kids to bed and we read a chapter of our latest book together and they snoozed and i found myself frustrated with myself for not seeing the bigger picture...
then...i clicked on nie's blog (head there by clicking on the cute little blue typewriter to the right) and she told a story of her four year old and i was rolling! so apparently he said "damn" and was tattle-tailed on...and she admitted that she often hears him saying "damn" and "hell" when he plays with his guys by himself and she laughs and records it.  LOL i was rolling...and then I was encouraged.  seriously, the manners thing...the etiquette thing...the making sure no cuss words are uttered are merely for the benefit of others...
yes, i must teach my children to love others...but not to live to impress them with good manners and potty-free talk. 

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