Saturday, January 14, 2012

we bought a zoo

i love cameron crowe films.
i loved almost famous...of course, I did, that was the first movie my boyfriend-turned-husband and I went to in the theatre...and it was good...not just b/c we were on a date...but, b/c it was Cameron Crowe's creation...his use of music is so perfectly artistic and deep.
i loved elizabethtown. we loved it.  it made us feel brave, or something.  i still have the soundtrack (remember when we used to buy soundtracks?) that ringo gave me for valentine's day. 
and tonight, i loved we bought a zoo.  i knew, right away that this story was Cameron's film...he took this man and and his true story, and painted it beautifully.  i spent most of the movie crying...uttering the same prayer that i found myself uttering as i lifted my head one last time before falling asleep in Savannah, about wanting to live...about wanting to savor moments and memories with this amazing and beautiful family that God has so beautifully created.  like the husband who had lost his wife, in the movie, i  found myself sorting through my own clips of our life together. 
i love another Author/Story Producer/life writer...i like the story He's written of us...and, it's as i realize just how much i love this tiny little story i've been given, i realize that perhaps, ours is a little bit rare.  and i really really want to hold onto it.  gone are all of the problems and pain and hurts of our pasts...all i want is us.  i realize and forget in the same breath, that i have been sick...and i just want my husband and our children.  i just want to love this one life i've been given.  none of the drama matters.  not location, occupation, others, or even extended family.  just us.  just our tiny little story together in this tiny tiny little speck of existence on earth.  it's films like we bought a zoo that make everything stop, and sitting in that theatre, you turn and look, and only his face is in your view and only he, and the two tiny hands holding yours on each side of you are the only ones you see and's times like these when it all comes into perfect vision.  nothing else matters to us...nothing but our own little redemptive story, nothing.  the story already written for us, the story He has given us to live. 
he is a handsome man. this husband of mine.  i have so many snapshots of the life we've had together, engraved deep in my my heart forever.  we were just kids when we met.  all odds were against us...we were told this...but God thought otherwise...He weaved a beautiful beautiful story, I am so incredibly blessed.  who knew what the future would hold, that in it were children, and cities, and houses, and illness, and moves, and courage, and faith, and trusting, and turkeys ;o) being sick, living in this place, even dealing with stressful people, it's not so bad when you've been given this.  nothing else really matters when you realize how short your story is. 
Donald Miller (ha! it's been awhile since i've quoted him) always talks about the credits rolling in our lives...
what happens when the credits roll in yours? was your story a good one? well lived?
wow.  all that, just to tell you to go see we bought a zoo.

Friday, January 13, 2012 mama gave me this fabulous tea for IBS...(side note, as far as I know, I don't have IBS...well, sure, I like to BS, but I don't HAVE the syndrome IBS) has totally helped her (seriously, haven't seen her feeling this great in ages!), in fact she's learned that her grandmother used to drink the same tea, for kicks, i thought i'd try it...not actually expecting anything to happen since I don't have ibs symptoms, but, I figured, maybe when i'm nauseous this would help, if i tried it while i wasn't nauseous, i would know if i could stomach it while i, it's just tea...right?
nooooooo. no. no. no.
my mother's ibs cure-all tea gave me ibs.
lol. no, not really.  but, man it made me sick.  not the kind of sick you think...just my usual episode...but, ohmygoodness...i don't think i'll be drinking magic ibs tea anymore. 

i'll stick to my usual drinks...minus the marshmallows

not actually the magic tea...the contents look about how my body felt after drinking the magic potion though. ashes photo courtesy of Steph Cooley
however, for those of you with ibs, you should message me and i'll give you the name b/c it really works IF you have ibs. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


i've been struggling, for years, with where home is.
home is where the heart is.
where is that?
i'm pretty sure i've even written these same exact words more than once in this blog.
i was thinking about "home" today...
honestly, in my heart it exists in bits and pieces of everywhere we've lived and everyone whose been a part of it...home exists in the family we've created...the people who really get close and know us deep down, who are willing to step in and be a part of our village...we've been so blessed to have so many people come into our lives and become a part of our little family just when we needed them. 
I am often so envious of my friends who have the perfect little family/extended families who can accept each other and exist so well together as a community...but not all families are perfect...not all families are functioning...not all families exist as a family other than blood relation.  and that's ok too.   God creates family in other people.  In other places than the place we were often raised to call "home."
I was thinking about this concept of home today, when I read: "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations." Psalm 90:1
Home is. God.
not here. not the last place we lived. or the one before. or the one before that. not the place of our childhood. not the place where we met. not the place we lived the longest. 
home is in God. Suddenly, "home is where the heart is," takes on a whole new meaning to me, with this verse...
b/c in my heart, home is a giant collage of people and places, and faces, and milestones and memories, and numerous houses, and friends, and holidays, and trips, and songs, and smells, and sights, and sounds, and's little Polaroid snapshots of this decade of us...
home isn't the place of my childhood, as many often refer to one's home as...that statement alone, always puzzles me, "are you so glad to be home?" or "you are always welcome home," what does that mean? b/c we are in our 30's and our world, our home, isn't as simple as the place we grew up and the people who raised us.  in fact, the word home never conjures up visions of any of that. no offense to you, mom and dad.  but, i think I'm starting to get it.  maybe. for this split second.  HOME is found when dwelling in Him.  and that's it.  It's not a location, or even a physical family.  It's Him. It's the people He gives you community and communion's the people who come alongside you and become your village, who make you a better you, and love you with only a love that Christ could love you with.  I have so many amazing people who will forever make up home in my heart...from every season, and into the next, where ever that takes us.  It isn't easy to move around, it's even harder when you don't have the foundation of supportive extended family (you know, that "home" to come "home" to)...but, it's during those seasons of new and scary and lonely places, that God draws us close to Him, that He provides us with human grafted family to lean on...and He strengthens our little brood. 
Home, to me, is my sweet husband and my two babies...and then, it's all these memories and all of these people inbetween.  it exists in the little nest God has created for me.
there's this sweet graphic poster that states "home is where you are." to be honest it is.  i quite like the home God has given me.