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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

here's Nie, folks...i like her style:

so, the thing about blogs, much like facebook, I would assume (I just can't bring myself to do the facebook thing yet), is you get to peek into the lives of others...you get a little glimpse, a little snoop of their personal thoughts/hopes/dreams/frustrations etc etc and you get to see pix...it's like a little window into someone else's life w/o them knowing you are reading (or knowing YOU for that matter)...haha...whoa...i sound like a stalker...lol!!
anyhow, i've been reading "nienie" for quite sometime...I like to read her blog, she is so inspiring. in life and artistically. she has such a beautiful perspective on life that encourages me and reminds me to enjoy it, to savor each precious moment. the girl has style too...great taste...check out all of the cute little finds she has on her blog (ie face plates from urban outfitters...totally ordering those nie!! thanks for sharing!!)
anyhow, let me introduce you to nie...check out her blog and read this blog entry, from awhile back, it was particularly sweet...
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2009/06/love.html

Monday, August 30, 2010

"I will be men"







ohmygoodness...my kids seriously crack me up!! look what I discovered while cleaning out my desk and art cupboards!!! The first set is of a note card I found written to C (probably written around Jan. of this year by T), it reads: "If you don't play with me I will be men [aka mean]," on the back of the note card C writes: "That's not how you spell mean T." I laughed so hard and I hung it above my desk...T, of course, did not find it cute or funny and kindly asked me to remove it from it's hanging position above my desk. The second set is of a paper garment...a mixed media piece I was working on...until four year old C wrote a note on it and cut it out...lol...for the life of me I cannot remember what the note says...and, actually, I remember laughing so hard that day because she said something super funny about "discipline" (the girl is wise beyond her years) and I told her to write it down on any piece of paper she could find in my paper drawer...lol, she found the paper garment i had been working on and used her little preschool scissors to cut just a snip out of it...I am kicking myself for not writing what it says on the back!! At the time I could totally translate preschool writing...now, I guess I've lost my preschool handwriting translation skills! dang. I'll have to ask C if she can remember what it says!! too funny. just had to share.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

one year ago today...







i awoke this morning with a heavy sadness on my heart...tears were threatening to spill, and, for the life of me (other than being a girl with crazy hormones, lol) i could not figure out why...then I remembered a friend telling me about a dozen years ago when she was going to massage therapy school that our muscles hold and release past pains...that, if we are hurting, have a bad breakup, experience the death of someone close to us, or have some sort of loss that at the exact time a year later our bodies will feel it!! she told me that people will start crying on the massage table as pains are released!! isn't that crazy?!!
one year ago today matt, the kids, and i set out on our venture to Savannah, Georgia...home of SCAD...my dream school. I've wanted to attend SCAD for years, and when I was accepted to the fibers program (after applying with Matt as a joke) and given a scholarship, Matt surprised me by giving his two weeks notice...he phoned me to say "I did it," "did what?" I asked, "gave my two weeks notice! we are moving to Savannah!" I nearly fainted. We were really doing it!!

Opening game at the Cowboy's stadium was where he and I spent his final moments of employment there...it couldn't have been a more appropriate place to spend our final moments since that stadium is what moved us to Dallas in the first place...a final glimpse of his fine work, and a sigh of relief that the project was (sort of) complete after working on it for several years. We left feeling scared and excited all the same at the adventures that lie ahead of us...however, that weekend brought bigger changes to our lives, ones we hadn't anticipated...

it's all a blur to me how I actually drove myself and C with a trailer behind my car all the way to Savannah. The week following opening game my head began to spin as if I were intoxicated and I lost eight pounds...for some reason I was severely dehydrated and extremely weak. Our family camped out at my aunt and uncle's house until I was strong enough to drive.
One year ago today I awoke and made it down the stairs to the kitchen all by myself. I ate more jello and eggs...and the kids entertained me with their chatter. My aunt Joyce gave me a devotional to read encouraging me to follow my dreams, and her twin sister, my aunt Jean phoned to encourage me not to give up. Jean urged me to "go for it" with promises to fly down with Joyce in tow and care for me so that I could go to school. Joyce and Charley drove me over to my apmt. where my car and trailer awaited and cheered me on as I took a crash course on turning with the uhaul attached to the rear...we said our farewells and began to drive. I was so dizzy. I was so scared. I vaguely remember making it to Savannah. I remember the trees, I remember our marshy island, I remember the apmt there. We were all scared, we placed all of our mattresses in a row in the master bedroom so we wouldn't be apart and watched DVD's together until we fell asleep at night. We went to the beach just so the kids could see it...I got worse. I begged God just to let me sleep. I took everything I could to take the spinning and the strange pounding headaches away. I called my dr. in texas and convinced him to give me more zofran. It was then, as I watched my children playing in the boxes that I realized I couldn't attend classes and be a mommy...not like this...not dizzy. And just as quickly as it happened, it was over. Gone in an instant...I watched my babies go through security at that tiny little savannah airport...we all cried b/c we knew it was the end, that we wouldn't be living on the island near the beach, and I wouldn't be attending SCAD. "I thought you said we could stay mom?" asked T as we were leaving the beach on Tybee Island, "Oh, honey, it's past dark, we have to leave, we'll come back," I said. "No, I thought you said we could stay in Savannah? I thought you said you were going to take art classes?" was his response...it was the sweetest thing...I'll probably never forget those words. We were all so excited about this chapter in our lives...and it seems still hanging midair as if it never happened.
I have been able to avoid thinking about it as I have spent much of the past year on the sofa or busy with the kids when I wasn't feeling crummy...however, today, one year later, I have found myself processing some of it. I found myself sad this morning. Until God showed me "For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?" (eccl 6:12) and I was reminded that I do not know what is best for me...I haven't a plan for my life as perfect as His...and I certainly don't have it bad at all. The most lovely pots are spun and pushed and pried on the wheel, the most beautiful stories are redemptive ones written by our Author. I know His story for me is the best one. His story for our family is the best. I am so blessed by His gifts of three other people to join me in this journey.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

it's rare that I have no words. i always have words. C gets that trait from me. however, today, i really have no words...well, maybe i have a ton, but, they are swirling all around that i can't quite grasp them or my true emotions other than sadness...and a reality of how good i have it...how little i actually have to complain about. so often i don't understand the why of loss and pain in so many people's lives...like, why did kelly have to die and leave her daughter, same age as C, here on earth? or why did my sweet heather and duncan have to lose baby hope...and why are they still struggling with having a little one when so many teens and drug addicts get pregnant daily? or why did my childhood best friend have to be yoked in marriage to such an angry man? why couldn't he be just as happy as she?? why did Gavin have to go and join the Lord and leave his best friend?...no one i know has a marriage as authentic and beautiful as theirs was. Why did the rebels have to take little nancy's parents lives right in front of her eyes and leave her an orphan? why? why so much pain in the world? we cannot understand God's reasoning behind so many things, and we may never understand this side of heaven. I will never claim to understand it, but, I do know that God is sovereign in everything, and God doesn't always cause the pain...

everyone has a story. everyone has a well-worn pair of shoes, that, until we set our feet in them and walk their path, we don't realize how much more comfortable or supportive our shoes actually are...or how the path we are on isn't all that treacherous until we've been given a glimpse of the path another has been set on.

it's times like these, times when we read stories like Austin and Terri's that we realize how good we have it. So what if grass + grasshopper filled cans are scattered all over every free space in my house...i had the privilege of watching T chase the grasshoppers around the parking lot flat on his belly with a look of pride after each capture. Who cares if the kids didn't eat the fruit in their lunchboxes...at least we had the money to buy fruit, and at least I packed it for them. So what if the laundry isn't done...I had the joy of watching my children frolic in those clothes and get them all dirty. So what if the dishes are piled up, I still hear the voices of my sweet family as we enjoyed those meals together this morning (and yesterday morning and the evening before that...yeah yeah, i need to do dishes)...so what if the house is filthy....the books/shoes/toys scattered all around won't always be all around. It doesn't matter that the kids are sometimes naughty, that not all of our relationships in life are perfect....life is precious...life is too short...please join me in reading Terri, Austin, and Jake's story...and let's cover them in our prayers as they set out on a journey that is much harder than some of ours:

http://www.binreallife.com/2010/08/chance-to-care.html

http://austinandterri.blogspot.com

Monday, August 23, 2010

don't go breakin' my heart...











of course my camera would (finally) bite the dust on the first day of school...just as it did when my youngest was born (I had to have pix taken w/a disposable camera that day...not that I remember any of the photo ops while in labor) and, as it has done for SO many very important milestones in our lives. Thank goodness for the crappy camera phones that have at least (blurrily) captured some of our big moments in the past....
and, of course, on first-day-of-(yet, another new)-school's-eve, I would discover in my desk two old camera cards from the last two (broken) camera's...Ohmygoodness, talk about break my heart!! just look at how tiny my babies were!!! those were the days...man, I don't miss potty-training and sleepless nights...but, oh my, where has the time gone?? how are my kiddos so big?? I'll post more later about our big day.
take a peek at the pix I discovered last night!!